Inspiration

Happy Thanksgiving weekend! I hope you are enjoying the time off work/school if you have it. Unlike my teacher husband who has weeks off at a time, I rarely get more than 4 days off in a row in the course of a year, so this is a special occasion for me. Naturally, my body decides to get sick -_-* Oh well, but what do you do in the wintertime besides stay home and watch movies and animes anyways, right?

Right now we're watching "Chuunibyou Demo Koi ga Shitai!" (中二病でも恋がしたい!) which is a super cute show about kids who used to/still think they are really mages who know magic and stuff. I love it because it's cute and hilarious and also I can relate to it on many levels. 

But anyways...

All this time off has also been giving me time to think about what I'm doing with my life (or lack therof) and sending me into panic mode (and I know that's like, all I talk about nowadays, so I'll spare you the details), but then I found a song that seems to calm me down these days... 

It's been a long time since I've been blown away by music, but I can just listen to this song over and over again and remain in a stupor, just in awe of how beautiful and expressive Kaya's singing is. What's funny is I've always found Kaya's mannerisms creepy, so I never gave his music a chance, but now I am in love with his music, this song. It calms my nerves, and gives me strength to carry on despite all these uncertainties. Also I love how he walks the fine balance of trying to sound effeminate to match his image, but also taking advantage of his deep rich singing voice... truly spectacular. 

What color is your soul?

Grey, I thought, most unromantically this morning, my soul is a dove grey color today. Guys, I've been feeling not like myself of late - I have no intense cravings to buy something from cdjapan, my music doesn't consume me like it normally does, I'm not looking up plane tickets and making lists of places I want to see in Japan, I feel fine just dressing normal and I'm not itching to try different gothic or visual kei makeup styles - leading me to ask myself, who am I even, today?
Dove grey. Don't get me wrong, this isn't like, a symbol of gloom and depression, I love doves. The coo of a mourning dove still recalls to my mind my childhood in Redwood Shores, waking up to lazy sunlit weekends and doves outside my window. Grey is just, grey. The comfort of a cashmere sweater. Soft down. Nothing flashy, nothing shiny, just, grey.
Who am I and what are my aspirations? Still a question that keeps haunting me when my time stands still outside the bounds of my obligations.
I went to the city a few days ago for the Epica concert, met up with some friends for dinner in a more touristy part of town that I normally don't stray into. I watched as stylishly dressed young girls my age walked into the street in their heels to wave down a taxi. 8 o'clock at night, and hordes of people still roamed the streets, whether they be on their way home from work or on their way out with their friends, I knew not. What are you doing here and what kind of jobs do you have, I mused. What kind of strange lifestyle is this, and would I enjoy it, I wondered.
The world is still at my fingertips, and there are many decisions to be made. Meanwhile, my dove grey soul is ready for some hot chocolate.

These are a few of my favourite things.

Misty mornings. Sleeping in and waking up to soft sunlight falling on my blankets. Macarons. A place where I can be alone with lots of trees. Duck ponds. Headbanging. Driving over bridges at night. A good book. Feeling a fast double kick drum in your chest at concerts. Getting a package from Japan. Unagi. When Mana updates his blog. When someone writes me back the same day. Recognizing a tune in Celtic folk music. Hot chocolate. Corpse paint. Petticoats. Blastbeats. Things that look like something you can eat. The smell of jasmine blossoms. Star Wars. Finding the north star. Staying up late with people you love and getting really ridiculous. The Hobbit. Finding something online that expresses all my feels. Staring at the flame of a candle.

Monochrome Frame

I made shadow puppets with the reflections of my hands in the tv. By themselves they're just hands, but with the fingers interlaced my hands became celtic knots or owls, facing each other they're like a sorceresses hands, or an anime magical girl's. Shapes, expressions, emotion. Fascinating what you can see when you look beyond the immediate form and purpose of things.

In the meantime, I'm counting down to some epic concerts and a certain dress to come in the mail...

Requiescat in pace

Today I drove through the local cemetery just to see what all the hype was about. I hear a lot on the internet about people (more specifically, goths) hanging out at cemeteries like it's just the thing to do. At first I thought it was kind of weird and irreverent, and I thought I would be too uncomfortable to do that kind of thing, but I did, and it was kind of really awesome. There's a very safe feeling there, that's the best way to describe it. It was peaceful and magical, and so different from the surrounding town. It was interesting seeing all the different styles of tombstones, some obviously more modern, some seemingly homemade, and some more archaic and opulent, like all the gothic cemetery photography I see online. It was neat, like all the different time periods coalesced into one on that hilltop. Is it irreverent to like hanging out there, or are those people glad to have someone stop by and read their names, someone to visit? Maybe they don't want all the awkward silence, maybe they want some more liveliness.

:)

Jpop Summit 2012

Last weekend we went to the Jpop Summit Festival in Japantown, watched the h. Naoto fashion show, browsed around the vendor booths, and ate ramen. I saw the most lolitas I have ever seen in my life, and everyone looked so magnificent! It was rather cold that day and I felt like I looked very windswept the whole time, but anyways, here's some pics! (from my phone, forgive the bad quality >_<)

(h. Naoto Gramm and Frill fashion show, the designer's in the pic on the right, with the red and black skirt!)

f

(me, derping around)

As for the loot, I bought a new little hat/hair accessory (worn above), as well as my new little friend:

Jedi Master

Once upon a time, I was a padawan. Let us not forget that one spring break during high school when I spent over half of it reading The Hand of Thrawn trilogy. Nor let us forget the time I did my makeup like Queen Amidala and wore an old maroon velvet dress and posted pictures on livejournal.
As hard as I try to see Star Wars as just a cheesy space opera made in the 70's, I can't - I can't help but feel a resonance deep within myself that reaffirms that this is indeed my favorite movie, that there is something special about this trilogy, something that has irrevocably become one with who I am.

Yoda is my jedi master, and at times like these when I feel like I'm losing myself, it helps to look to him for guidance. I fear I've become dangerously close to losing control of my emotions and giving in to the dark side. Anger, fear, hate - emotions I've kept quite well under control for a lot of my life, but now I am finding difficult to suppress. It's time for me to revisit my old jedi master.

Peace, love, George Lucas and tauntauns...
<3 p="p">

The Good Life

It's one of those days when I am feeling really unrealistically nostalgic for Utah and consequently eat lots of jello. Sometimes I miss the Utah-me, I miss my old bravery and creativity and ability to find meaning and wonder in everything. Now I live a life of a hermit, constantly struggle with nihilistic thoughts, and am just about ready to sell my soul for money. Was it the place and time or just my frame of mind that's changed?

I literally almost cried over my degree the other day - I've been angry at myself for making such a poor life decision, leaving me with all of my nonexistent career opportunities. But today I realized, what if that's it? What if that intellectual stimulation is what's missing right now? I do firmly believe that studying philosophy helps enrich your life. Why have I quit? I'm masking my emptiness by living for the next concert, the next convention. Maybe it's time to get over myself and pursue the good life again.
I'm at a weird turning point in my life right now where I'm approaching my past through the lens of an adult and trying to mend past relationships and struggling to overcome anxiety over past fears that are no longer anything to worry about. Sometimes I'd rather be 700 miles away back in Utah running away from my problems than so close to home... but so be it, this is where the Lord has led me.

Firsts

Some time ago I realized, I am almost halfway through this year, and there's still a lot I want to accomplish that I haven't yet! So I grabbed a friend and up and went to Japantown, dressed in full gothic lolita garb, fake eyelashes and all, spent lots of money, and had lots of fun. Could you imagine if I lived in the city? I would practically live in Japantown, and be forever broke!
So I had a couple "firsts" on this last Japantown trip:

1) First time eating a dango! I watched Clannad sometime last year, gushed over how cute Fuko and Nagisa were, cried during Clannad Afterstory... and of course a main theme in that show is the "big dango family" so when I saw a dango stand in the shopping center, I jumped at the opportunity to get one. So, I guess they're basically just mochis on a stick, which I didn't know before, but these ones from Japantown were especially good, really fresh tasting. :3

2) First time eating a macaron! (I told you I was going to, didn't I?) Not gonna lie, I didn't have high expectations because I had eaten a frozen packaged one a few weeks ago, and I was like, "that's it? that was dissapointing..." But when I went to buy one at the New People Cinema cafe, it was amazing. The real ones are chewy, and the filling is better, and there's even a secret hidden filling in the very center that's like an explosion of flavor and it is soooo good! Success!

3) First time buying "brand"! I bought that h.Naoto sweater that is on the poster I have in my room from their grand opening, I've been ogling it in the picture for months, and now I own it and keep it on a dress form in my room, which serves as my lolita clothing mannequin/awesome room decoration. The shop girls were so nice, and there was so much pretty stuff, and I just thought, how many times am I just gonna come and go and never buy anything? You only live once. So I bought it!!! And I'm gonna wear it to the Rhapsody concert in a few weeks! What's funny, is I have now been at 2 events where I could have met h.Naoto himself, but I didn't. I didn't really have a desire to before, but apparently he's a really awesome and friendly person, so maybe someday I will, since we seem to cross path quite often ^_^

Until next time, and don't stop adventuring!

For "Those Days"

It's easy for me to get down on myself, feel my self-confidence slip away sometimes, or most times, just feel hopelessly boring and get existential about everything...
Sometimes I need to remind myself of what I'm proud of myself for, either accomplishment-wise or gutsy-wise, things that sometimes are so crazy I can hardly believe I did them myself. We all have those things, eh? Let us not forget.
Here's a list of things I think about, for those times:
1) I played violin in a metal band
2) I drove up to Seattle and shook Mana's hand
3) I moshed during Ozzfest
To be continued.
Cheer up, ne? We are in the prime of our lives, we have our whole lives ahead of us... let us not get bogged down with stress, and let's live a little.
/self encouragement

A Study in Pink

It seems I've been buying lots of pink, sweet things lately. <(^_^)>

I thought I'd take a picture of them all together, like all the cool people who take pictures of food and stuff. 

...I have yet to master the skill of taking pictures of my "stuff"!

This picture is also quite telling of my devotion in reading celebrity blogs (I guess I am a little celebrity obsessed, as my sister pointed out, just not with celebrities most people know about, hehe)

Mana keeps blogging about stuffed animals and Yan Yan, and Simone Simons got me curious about these cute little EOS lip balms. All these subliminal things, influencing my life decisions...

It's past my bedtime. Laterz!

Versailles - "Rhapsody of the Darkness" Single

 The firt thing I did this morning was roll over in bed and grab my phone to buy the new Versailles single, "Rhapsody of the Darkness" off iTunes. I had moderately high expectations for the song - this being the single and all, I wasn't expecting that it was going to be one of the best songs on the album, but since we were told that this new song would have harpsichord and organ in it, which are like my favorite sounds EVER, I expected greater things from this than the average single. (Also I think the fact that the song title sounds like a rip-off of Rhapsody of Fire's band name subconsciously raised my expectations too, my being a huge Rhapsody fan and all ^_^). The release contains two songs, "Rhapsody of the Darkness" and "Illusion."


The single "Rhapsody of the Darkness" starts out with a baroque harpsichord intro with church organ behind it. Surprisingly, the use of those keyboard patches did not make them sound like a Malice Mizer rip-off (even though I would be secretly happy if it did XD), their use of harpsichord was much more baroque and rococo sounding, with more trills and flourishes, also more upbeat and less dark sounding than Malice Mizer and Moi Dix Mois. Actually, the harpsichord parts in this song remind me of Rhapsody's harpsichord parts on Symphony of Enchanted Lands, funny coincidence there... The harpsichord intro then transitions by means of a cascade of dual guitar runs into the main song. This song is very varied! It seems like Versailles has been in the mood recently for writing more experimental, epicly long songs with lots of different "movements" so to speak, and this is alongside those lines stylistically, even though it is only a 5 minute song. It alternates between an epic symphonic part with ominous vocals, a verse with heavy riffing behind it, and a straightforward chorus, with segments of neoclassical/progressive instrumental guitar harmonies strewn in between all those sections. Stylistically, it's nothing that Versailles hasn't done before, just some more of the same good stuff. I'd say the biggest difference from their old stuff is the harpsichord. In relation to their other songs, I'd say it's along the same lines of "Masquerade," not quite as epic, but still very much a symphonic progressive metal song. I thought "Masquerade" was just average when I first heard it, and then it eventually grew on me to be one of my favorite songs off Holy Grail - I think this song will grow on me as well, I'm already liking it more the more I listen to it!

"Illusion" was actually my favorite out of the two songs upon first listen. It's one of their more mellow pop-ish sounding songs, and it always cracks me up whenever Versailles writes songs like this since they're usually a metal band, but man, they're pretty good at this! It starts out with ambient electronic percussion, then goes into a rocking guitar riff, and they bring back the same electronic percussion again when the vocals come in. This song really showcases Hizaki and Teru's good guitar phrasing. Even though it is basically a pop/rock song, there is still intricate guitar work (as always, with Versailles), interesting bass lines, and some tasteful drum fills in here. I just think it has good composition and cohesion, everything just seems to work together really well in this song. I like it! We'll see if it stands the test of time though, sometimes I like these pop-ish songs better at first but then they get old and I like the more experimental ones better later... we'll see!

Overall, I am very pleased, I like these songs better than a lot of their last singles, so this is promising for their next album! The thing I am most displeased with, however, is the fact that this was a digital single. I mean, yes, it is cheaper than a physical single, and yes, I do actually get to hear it on the release date rather than having to wait for it to ship from Japan, but I just paid $3 for songs (or at least one song) that will be on the album anyways, basically I just bought it so I could hear it now. Oh well, seems like it'll be a while before their next album anyways, plus, for $3 I'd say it's worth it! 

Impromptu

The other day I took an impromptu trip to Oakland while on my way to do bridal registry shopping in Concord (because that's totally on the way, right?). I cursed my decision as traffic piled up in front of the tunnel. I sweated my body weight in sweat hiking up and down those hills on the hottest day of the year so far. But among the things I got out of this little escapade was this gem of a photo of the Greek Orthodox Cathedral that's just down the hill from my temple, which, surprisingly, I had never been to before. I was walking around the grounds doing my touristy thing, and I realized there's a certain majesty in holy places and things, even if they aren't your own, just knowing that someone holds it in such regard makes it magical. All the care and attention to detail put into holy buildings is awe inspiring. This place had a very distinct Mediterranean landscaping that made you forget you were in Northern California for a minute there. There were olive trees! Someday, I hope to have olive trees and fig trees in my yard, just so I can be that much more Italian. 

On a side note, how do you like the power of my new camera? It's less portable than my last one but it's good, I like it!

Connect the Circle

Today was such a niiiice day out! It made me think of summer. As we drove to church past the city pool and the now familiar hills around our block, it made me remember seeing this city for the first time at the tail end of summer, and how I saw the haphazard assortment of plants along our apartment fence and thought, yes, I'd like to live here. Funny how we have such associations with seasons, isn't it?
I remember back in Utah, when it started snowing and the car would smell a certain way from us tracking snow in and running the heat so much I would always get dreamy-eyed and nostalgic because remember? We started dating in the winter, and you would wear your trenchcoat and I thought that was hot.
Ah, good times...
I could have sworn I smelled jasmine today, too, when we were out on our walk. And I know it's not summer yet, but it made me think:
"Sweet days of summer, the jasmine's in bloom"...

Sakura Con 2012/Moi Dix Mois Concert

Last weekend I drove over 13 hours to go to Seattle, to accomplish one of my life goals: see Mana in real life. Last week I saw the man that I have looked up to for 10 years and always dreamt of meeting but never thought I would be able to. It was a miracle how everything just worked out, and was even better than I had anticipated. Before I left, I thought, what will be my life goal now, now that I'm going to see Mana-sama with Moi Dix Mois? And now my answer is: see them again! XD


So since the concert was at an anime convention, there were other events involving the band as well. First off there was a Question and Answer panel. I could recognize the line for this event by how many gothic lolitas there were wearing Moi Meme Moitie (Mana's brand clothing). There was a girl there cosplaying as Merveilles Mana, and I was cosplaying as Shiroi Mana, but other than that we were the only ones for this event. I had decided before coming up here that I was going to try and make new friends who liked Mana as well. The lady behind me in line was a mom saving a spot in line for her daughter, so I thought I'd talk to the girls in front of me. They were talking about Tetsu from Malice Mizer (old school!) so I thought I'd join in. They were really cool, none of them were dressed up but they all knew a lot about visual kei, liked a lot of the old school scene, and they all travel across the country seeing these band like Moi Dix Mois, D and Versailles. One girl had even come up from San Jose! As we sat down in the panel room, Matt kept teasing me the whole time as to what question I was gonna ask and embarrassing me. 

The band entered the room to "The Seventh Veil," first it was Hayato and I didn't recognize him in the hat, I was like, who is that? and then the rest of the members - they are so tall!!! The other Japanese bands I've seen live have all been way shorter than I had expected, and it was a little awkward. But K and Mana are like the tallest Japanese people I have ever seen in my life. They all wore their Dixieme Anniversaire outfits just like on their website, except Mana-sama had blue hair. I was sitting behind a tall dude (who was conveniently blocking my view of Mana-sama -_-*) so it was hard to see at times, but basically Mana did the whisper thing (whispering to K and having K speak for him) and K translated into English for the band and spoke when he could, but sometimes used an interpreter. For the most part, the band's English isn't very good... A lot of the questions asked were pretty typical, do you dress like this everyday (No), is Malice Mizer ever going to get together again (at the reunion show this year), etc,  but some were funny, they asked K if he were to cosplay who he would be and he said "Ryuk," from Deathnote - he would make such a good Ryuk! Lol. 
Matt asked what their favorite metal bands were: 
Sugiya: Queensryche
K: Slipknot
Mana: Slayer
Seth: the Beatles (?)
Hayato: Galneyrus 
And Mana made some kind of comment earlier about being influenced by Yngwie Malmsteen recently, yeah! Someone asked Seth about Art Cube and what it's like playing in 2 bands and he denies it! Said, "I only sing for Moi Dix Mois." I guess since he uses a different name in Art Cube he wants to keep the two identities separate. And Mana said his favorite thing about Seattle was being able to eat seafood and seaweed in America. XD 
Someone asked, "Describe the person next to you in one word": 
Sugiya about K: Ryuk
K about Mana: my boss
Mana about Seth: eyepatch
Seth about Hayato: tomboy
Hayato about Sugiya: drunk
Then someone asked about their beauty tips:
Sugiya and Hayato: beer
Mana: think love
Seth: eyepatch
Also at one point Mana was covering his face, and the girls next to me were saying, "He must have cracked a smile!" Hehe. Mana said the favorite song he's written thus far was "The Seventh Veil." He dodged a question on what color his hair would be next.  And that's about it as far as questions I remembered.


After that... autographs! I forgot to bring any of my albums so I had to make do with their guest page in the sakuracon booklet. I was so nervous. Seriously. But it was so great. First was Sugiya. When he saw me, he leaned back in his chair with an amused smile on his face and said, "Mana-sama!" (due to my cosplay) That made me really happy. I know these guys like, barely speak English, but he said that in such a way that it felt like there wasn't even a language barrier. Sugiya always seemed like the shy awkward one in the pictures and videos, but not so! He seemed super friendly and confident there. I don't remember anything about Hayato except that he was wearing a hat, and the  emblem on it was so intricate and cool looking I kept staring at it the whole time. Seth was really awesome looking, the feathers on his shirt and the tattoo under his lace sleeve looked really cool together. I told him that I was a fan of Art Cube too and he just kinda laughed it off, and avoide eye contact the whole time, so I wonder if he even understood me, poor guy. I basically told everyone thank you for coming to America, and shook their hands, and I told K that we drove up from California to see them, because I figured he knew he most English, but he didn't seem to know the right words to respond to that, and it was slightly awkward, derp. He has fangs! And they look so real, too! His one light contact really stands out compared to his other eye, too. Then... dun dun dun... Mana-sama himself. I was petrified. I slid my paper over, my brain not really comprehending everything at first, and I just said, "Hi Mana, thanks for coming to America," and just stood there, but then afraid that I would let this moment get away, I got my act together and told him, "I've always wanted to meet you". I have no idea if he understood me, I felt like I was talking in a vacuum, but I just wanted to tell him anyways. And of course Mana doesn't talk, which I was actually grateful for at this point, I just looked him in the eyes, and he looked back, and he shook my hand with both hands! Actually, more like held my hand, his movements are so delicate and careful. We were both wearing lace gloves and he was wearing hecka rings, probably 3 or 4 on each hand. He just stared at me intently and then nodded, (probably cause he's not allowed to smile, haha). And his makeup is amazing, I gave up right there on the spot of ever hoping that I'd be able to do my makeup like him. He was wearing lots of blue and white eyeshadow. It just... Yeah. I can't even. I felt like a kindergartener with crayon on my eyes compared to him. I waited for Matt to finish getting autographs, then I told him all excited as we were walking out, "Mana shook my hand with both hands!" which he ended up making fun of me for the rest of the trip. XD
So that was autographs. Somehow I was a little surprised that Mana was actually out there signing, because other bands I've seen NEVER have the entire band doing autographs, but I was really glad the whole band was there.


THEN we go to the vendor room and I'm just checking out their merch booth looking at a t shirt when, oh, there's people coming over, I look up to see who it is and jump back and almost have a heart attack, because it's Mana! And like, hecka security! The band was there walking around the vendor hall. I slowly scoot backwards out of the general area as Mana starts getting his picture taken in front of the booth, and I see him posing making the peace signs. XD And there were these loli girls following them around and watching them, and I stood there too for a while but then I felt awkward just standing there and walked around with Matt for a while. Then, we were at another booth, and security is telling us to clear out, and the band goes through and exits out of the hall, and I smile at them, and made eye contact with Mana! ...and of course he didn't smile back. >_< If there's one thing I was disappointed in about meeting him, it's that he never smiles! Like, seriously, never. But really, it was great, I am so happy. 


Concert. The concert was amazing! What a beautiful band. What great presentation and performance. Before they came on, they even played Goblin! I was really excited because it felt like we were being given the same sort of experience as fans in Japan, even though this was just at a convention in America. And then they came on stage to an instrumental track off D + Sect and there was fog and lights, and K's guitar against the fog looked like a scorpion, and Seth had feathers on his shoulder that were blowing in the fan and reminded me of Lord Darcia from Wolf's Rain, and Mana's tulle skirts looked really cool against the light. He is so tall! I kept staring at his shoes and marvelling at how he could strike those power stances with those platforms on. Hayato looks angry when he drums, but in a cool way. He wasn't wearing his hat during the live. His drum kit is a lot smaller than bands I'm used to seeing, but I couldn't take my eyes off him when he was playing the blast beats (I'm a sucker for extreme metal drumming!) Sugiya still moved the least out of anyone in the band, but he also looked cool in his costume - I remember looking at everyone on stage in their costumes and thinking, so this is what a visual kei concert it like. The band, the way they moved, everything was so graceful and dramatic and beautiful. They were SO professional, very polished. Their setlist went something like this: Seventh Veil first, then Metaphysical, Witchcraft, Divine Place, Sanctum Regnum, new song "Duree?", The Sect, Pendulum, Immortal Madness, Dead Scape, and Ange, and for the encore, Deus Ex Machina. They played everything I wanted to hear! I had really wanted them to play Metaphysical, so I screamed like crazy when that song came on. I had also wanted to hear Divine Place, and I had expected to start crying during that song but I didn't, I just stood there clutching my skirts and staring in awe. It was amazing. And Mana-sama's guitar solos- I normally don't like to scream during guitar solos, but I started screaming involuntarily. And everyone was screaming during Sugiya's bass solo, too. K was hilarious while explaining the Dix signs, maybe he wasn't trying to be, poor guy, but we were all giggling as we were doing them, and having lots of fun. This band was way better live than I had expected, their DVD's and live videos don't even compare! Seth blew me away. His hair, his presence, everything was amazing. His singing was amazing, I don't think he was off pitch at all. Him and Mana during Pendulum were doing these poses/interpretive dance thing (fanservice?) where Seth knelt down on one knee beside Mana and waved his hand in front of Mana's body, and Mana was doing some hand gestures as well - they looked like a sorcerer and sorceress out of a storybook, it was so magical! I think that's when I "got it," I finally got the vision of Moi Dix Mois, and their image in D+Sect as dark ages/medieval sorcerers, philosophers, and alchemists and stuff. And, I was so excited that they played a new song! I was really touched that they would play the new song for us in America. It's amazing! It's happier sounding, has a good mellow vocal line beginning than goes into this heavy power metally sounding riff and zomg I can't believe they played the new song for us! It sounded like the name was "Duree" (they pronounced it "doo-ray") or something, either way, something in French that I can't make out. And Mana's "surprise" that he was talking about on his blog earlier was that he came out with a video camera! Of course, I was jumping up and down like an idiot at that point. For the encore they played Deus Ex Machina, which isn't a song that I'm crazy about, but I know it's the song that Mana spins around to at the lives, so I was glad to see that, because spinning was only Mana's trademark for like, ALL of Malice Mizer. And this girl shouted "I love you Mana-sama!" during the show and a guy shouted right after her, "I love your legs!" XD (He WAS showing a lot of leg...) Also, he kisses his guitar picks before he throws them out. Mana was the last one to leave the stage both times, he would close his eyes, taking in all of our cheers, and went to the center of the stage and bowed. Before we even got to chanting for a second encore, Sakura Con started ushering us out because they were going to have a dance in that room. After the show, I only heard people saying good things about the show. It was amazing! Best show of my life. Now I keep waiting for Mana to come out with the next Digital Madousho (his fan magazine) so I can see pictures from this event. Amazing!
So yes, my next life goal: see them again! \m/

Footnote

I'm at a bit of a standstill when it comes to this blog. I think it has exhausted its previous purpose. I used to use it as a poetic and emotional outlet during my days of frustration during Utah winters and upper division college courses, and as a way to keep in touch with old friends. But now it seems these friends don't really post anymore, and I'm not quite as artistic as I used to be. So I'm a little lost, you'll probably see lots of randomness start to pop up here. 

Anyways, I just got back from the best vacation of my life in Seattle. I just saw the best concert of my life and got to meet the man that has been my biggest inspiration for 10 years. I was overwhelmed with love this past weekend. I still have yet to collect my thoughts and emotions. Report coming soon, I promise! 

Rainy Day in Pictures

  

Living the Dream

It's about time that I fessed up what I've been up to, and mind you, it is very important, life altering things. You see, there are very few things that I have so far on the do-before-I-die list, and these are they:
1. See Mana in real life
2. See Rhapsody in concert
3. Try a macaron
The first two are almost impossible, very improbable things if you are familiar with those scenes - Mana is a Japanese visual kei musician and fashion designer that I have been obsessed with since I was 13, and Rhapsody is an Italian power metal band so great that they have even inspired Christopher Lee to start his own metal band at the age of 90. But I digress... Both are foreign musicians that live half the planet away, and have only been to the US once before (as is typical for the type of music I listen to - and I'm talking power metal/symphonic metal here - a "World Tour" consists of Europe, Asia, and South America). So I would have never dreamed that with me being at the young age of 23, BOTH would be coming to the US within 2 months of each other, on the west coast!
(And that being the case, it makes me wonder why I have not tried a macaron yet, as it seemed to be the most attainable of all 3 goals...)
So I have been plotting, plotting how to make this all work.

The Rhapsody concert will be simple - they're playing at a club in San Francisco, I've been to plenty of metal shows in SF before, not a big deal. I'm super excited to see them, I'm a huge fan of their singer Fabio, I saw him with Kamelot a few months ago and it was the best show I've ever been to in my life! And my friend Austin saw them in Utah and got a picture with Fabio and I am infinitely jealous you would not even believe, so now my goal is also to get a picture with Fabio, although I don't know how that is going to happen. I'll need to ask for advice on that one.

But Mana, I can't even describe how excited I am to finally see Mana! No one person has had a greater influence on my taste in music and fashion and gothic aesthetic as Mana has. I cosplay as Mana. I listen to his music when I'm sad. Every 13 year old has a band they obsess over and mine was Malice Mizer, and my favorite member of the band was Mana. I never expected to see him in America, especially not after he just came to LA 3 years ago and I missed it, and I especially didn't expect him back on the west coast, but guess what, he's going to be in Seattle in 2 weeks, playing a concert with his band Moi Dix Mois at SakuraCon, and I'm going! Yes, Seattle, a 13 hour drive, on Easter weekend, and I have to wake up at the crack of dawn to make sure I can get tickets to even get in to the convention, but you know what? I'm excited. I'm excited to take a risk, do something seemingly stupid, because that's what is called living your life with passion, something that I've desperately needed these past few months. So the planning begins, the hotels are booked, this is going to happen! 

And that macaron is gonna happen soon too, I swear it will!

Nerdy Home Decorating

For a brief second there, home decorating was my new internet - it was my crack. I was addicted to cleaning out closets, rearranging bookshelves and furniture and entire rooms, until eventually my energy was spent and I wound down on the couch and hey, what's this? Internet? And here I am.

I'm not especially good at decorating yet, I am still fairly new to this hobby. And with a husband who is an action figure and book collector and adamant about having those things on display in the front room, there is the added challenge of compromise. In the end, I had fun playing with themes and incorporating nerdy elements in an aesthetically pleasing way:

Putting Eddie with the concert DVD's!

Using my fancy looking university books to give a multi-tiered look on top of the cubby

Putting the FFIX figures next to colorful books and Salvadorean masks to bring out their colors

The FFVII figures with a fan backdrop

Putting my Easter decoration bunny next to Alice in Wonderland

Putting the dragon pencils and dragon statuette and next to my Slayers manga

I know, I went a little crazy there with the themes, huh? This was so much fun, I'm quite pleased with the outcome!

Sea Spray

As my old possessions that I don't remember ever existing have slowly been thrust back to me as their proper owner, I've found myself rereading my old high school books. 

The first one I picked up was The Once and Future King. And while I love Arthurian legend and the story is a classic, I found the writing to be quite dry. I never managed to finish it. 

The second book however, was Moby Dick. The writing is so rich and entrancing that it has cultivated in me a yearning for the sea. The proper ocean, I might add, not these straits that I live by, nay, there is land in sight not a mile out! I want the ocean, the scent (or what some might call, the stench) of salt and fish, to be able to taste the sea spray on my lips. Seeing the bend of the horizon, the curve of the earth over the vast body of water, and the sense of fear to know that once swept past that horizon, there would be no land in sight until you reach Asia. I've also acquired a fascination with ships - they seem almost an anachronism, still sitting on the water's surface when now we have aircraft able to fly through the air, not limited to traveling on one surface and not having to deal with obstacles that may be in the way. 

So that's my latest obsession. In other news, I've been trying to quit my internet addiction (it was getting bad) and replacing that activity with reordering my house. 

Have any of you read Moby Dick before?

Meaning

I looked up at the sky tonight and saw Orion and his hunting dogs peeking through the palm fronds above my front door. It's kind of comforting to know that at this point I've pretty much had the constellations beaten into my memory, even though my time working for the Astronomy department was not altogether a pleasant one.  The stars are my friends, and a welcome sight they were tonight. It's been a while since I've taken the time to look up on a clear night, so it seems I've rediscovered an old habit of mine of stalling outside to look at the stars. 

One of my biggest challenges right now is not having goals. Some days I'll just find myself in a stupor, thinking, what now, what's the meaning of all this? At work I file things away only to have them pulled out again, and then need to be filed back. At home I wash dishes and put them away only to pull them out for the next meal and have them end up in the sink again. It's this reoccurring cycle of actions, seemingly mundane but altogether important, that I get buried underneath sometimes.

What am I working towards? Who, or what, do I want to become? These have been questions that I've had to consider, as my life lays wide open in from of me. What I know so far is 2 things: to give things meaning, and to create. Heck, all of our lives seem insignificant at some point. But if we give things meaning, realize the worth of small things, and recognize the worth of our humble creations, our lives will be less mundane. 

So hold me to this - I need to get my butt off the computer, especially kick my habit of aimlessly surfing Tumblr or Youtube, and live more meaningfully.

I'll keep you posted. 

Rejuvenated

Dear friends, I hope you have all had a good holiday season and are rejuvenated and energized for going back to normal life. For me? New Year's weekend was the best, I spent a lot of it cleaning, surprisingly, but there's just something cathartic about cleaning your house, tossing out old things, and just clearing room to breathe. I've been in a decorating frame of mind lately, always trying to think of new ways to arrange our place but as I cleaned, I remembered the saying, "Cleaning is the best form of redecorating." So there I have it!

For New Year's Eve Matt and I just stayed at home watching anime's until midnight. I'm getting old, to the point where I find it hard to stay up till midnight (I think I even fell asleep before midnight last New Year's?) but this was just perfect, something low key, you know. 

But we watched an amazing anime the other day, it's called "Hoshi O Ou Kodomo." It's so good! Very magical, with many moments reminiscent of Miyazaki, and bittersweet - I love it. It's not out in the States yet, but when it comes out, I'm totally buying it!

The picture is of a souvenir I bought at the Dickens Fair, from the pirate booth - a ship ornament. I'm getting to be quite attached to ships these days, us living in a harbor town and all. The ring is just something I picked up at Forever 21 the day after Christmas (the lines were so freaking long it was barely worth it). I coincidentally wear it every time I go to watch Rozen Maiden with my friend, which is funny cause in the show all the dolls have a magical rose ring that contains their life essence, and I swear I'm not trying to cosplay, but secretly it makes me happy. ^_^*