Wild Thing

Today I walked to the docks at the yacht club and watched an egret eating breakfast along the shore for half an hour while listening to Bjork's "Medulla". Listening to Bjork while taking a walk is really interesting, because it's not like the upbeat get you pumped up kind of music but more the quiet observant creeping peeling back the skin of the world and wondering about its contents kind of music. I watched the egret walk through the water, climb on the jagged slippery rocks and watched it's long yellow toes balance and carefully tread through the shore. It never once looked at me in alarm, always concentrating unwavering on the task at hand, peering carefully, every once and a while grabbing a small wriggling fish, it's fins translucent in the morning sun, some brownish grey, others a pale orange, clamping down on it once and swallowing it down its long neck. I watched it, this "wild" animal, no care in the world but to feed and survive. Is that what it means to be wild? To only have survival on your mind?
On the way home I heard a crack like a rock had been thrown at me, only to find it was a raven that had dropped half of it's seed or nut shell in the road. Another time I noticed small paw prints in the sidewalk, made from a wandering cat from when the cement was still wet.
We humans have created such a comprehensive and well-functioning society, able to take care of all our physical needs, so that sometimes we forget about nature and God and the dependence and vulnerability we once had in relation to the elements. But somehow the wild still creeps into our societies, reminding us that there are still some things we cannot control.

Why I Shouldn't Be A Blogger

You see this, now this is why I should not ever try and be a serious blogger! Leaving off a week into a 30  day challenge and then not posting for 4 months, haha...

A lot has happened during that time involving my struggles with depression and finding my path in life. I've made some big decisions and I'm really excited to be making my life into the vision I want it to be. It's fulfilling, but a lot of work and learning!

Anyways, the reason I'm back is, well, first of all, I've decided to be a web designer. I'm still going to school and learning the very very basics right now but to get some experience under my belt I decided I'd give my blogs a facelift and use them as practice pieces for design. But how embarrassing would that be to potentially put on my portfolio if the posts were like a year old and I had left off in the middle of a 30 day challenge? Sad!

So I'm really not a great blogger, but I do have some things worth sharing from time to time that I want a place to put so I guess this could be it? And I guess my old posts aren't bad, I guess.

Anyways. Not sure if anyone still reads this, but just an update. :)

7. A song to drive to

"Mind Storm" by Joe Satriani. Perfect for cruising.

6. A song that makes you want to dance

"Ophelia" by Kaya. I went through a phase when I was absolutely entranced by industrial dance, and even practiced in front of the mirror by myself. \(//∇//)\ This song has just the right beats to make me wanna dance and pull out some of my industrial moves again.

5. A song that needs to be played LOUD

"Falling Sparrow" by Masterplan. It just does.

4. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

"Frozen" by Within Temptation. I wouldn't say there's anyone that I want to forget, since I think all experiences have been key in making me who I am, but this is probably the closest. This was my dealing-with-a-break-up song after I ended a poisonous relationship in high school. This feeling of "You tell me I'm frozen, but what could I do?" that I felt bad cutting off all ties with him but had to end it for my own sanity and well-being. At this point I wouldn't care if I saw him again, but I'm not about to seek him out either, we'll just see if we ever cross paths again.
There are a lot of Within Temptation songs that have special meanings in my life. They used to be my favorite band but sadly I haven't been too happy with their direction lately.

 

3. A song that reminds you of summertime

"Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft. The ultimate feel-good song. It reminds me of summer vacations walking around in Belmont and smelling the honeysuckle and jasmine growing off the fences in the bright sunlight. If there's two scents I love more than anything in the world, they are vanilla and jasmine. Whenever I see a jasmine flower I think of this song and start believing that summer is near.

2. A song you like with a number in the title

"2 Minutes to Midnight" by Iron Maiden. A New Year's Eve tradition for me since high school. But that aside, this is one of my favorite Maiden songs - catchy rockin guitar riffs, interesting melodic bass line, brutally anti-war lyrics. I had the opportunity to see these jolly Englishmen last year, we were so far in the back on the lawn we could barely see them, but just sang along with the rest of the 10,000 people, just normal looking people, singing along to songs that you don't hear on the radio. It's a neat experience. Not to mention the pyrotechnics and stage animatronics make them the most expensive stage show I've ever seen.
Iron Maiden is pure fun and genius, gotta love these guys.

1. A song you like with a color in the title

I'm doing another 30 day thing because I'm bored, snagged this one off tumblr about 30 different songs.
"Kurenai" by X Japan ("kurenai" means "crimson" in Japanese). X Japan is THE epitome of Japanese rock music, they are wildly popular and sell out arena shows on a regular basis. Even though I've known about them for a very long time, I didn't get into them until recently. Their music is compositionally pretty simple, but X Japan has powerful and emotionally moving melodies and lyrics. Yoshiki has been suicidal throughout his life, and the lyrics are just very honest and poetic in a way that I think really touches the human condition, and they have really been a strength to me in recent times. One of my life's goals is to see X Japan, they came to California 3 years ago and played 2(!) Bay Area shows, but naturally, I was in Utah at the time (and not really a fan yet). They said they would come back soon. I'm still waiting...
X Japan songs are usually either a power ballad or a rockin speed metal song. "Kurenai" is both. Enjoy this classic...

To Get Lost on I-80

The other day we were in the city trying to find our way home and a lightbulb went off in my head and I turned to Matt and excitedly said, "Did you ever realize that this is where I-80 ends?" I definitely used many gestures and voice inflections trying to explain the significance of the fact that the highway that stretches from sea to shining sea, so to speak, ends right here in our own backyard.
Some days I imagine myself shooting past my freeway exit for work and driving, out past the mountains, past civilization, into deserts and tumbleweed salt flats, away from all my problems and surrounded by nature. I fancy myself to be a Ben Kenobi type, the hermit, and also a wanderer and a nomad. I'm not so much a city-lite to need the constant buzz of civilization and to keep up with current events. Nay, I would not have drank the hemlock but rather would have left Athens with my cloak and walking stick and wandered the Mediterranean until the day I departed the earth. Lizards and twigs would be my company then, but life's a bit more lavish these days - we have video games.
Sometimes I forget how close freedom actually is. There are no physical laws limiting us from freedom, just societal obligations and monetary needs. Is that why there is a whole subculture of people who have shunned those things nowadays? While I am far from dreading my hair and buying a steel frame backpack and a dog to hitchhike along the coast, I am still in search of my manifestation of
freedom

Ennui

February is the worst part of winter to endure. There can be random sunny days when you think it's almost summer and you start wearing only light sweaters out and then BAM it rains and is stormy and you freeze and get colds and your internet is down and then your husband is clever and fixes the internet so now I am getting ready for a weekend in, being sick, and hopefully on the internet. (Yes, this is my life.)

THIS is what you call summery weather for President's day weekend. I wanted to get out and do something out of the ordinary for us in the city (our usual being record stores and Japantown) so I decided to do the take-a-touristy-picture-in-front-of-the-bridge trip. It was the PERFECT weather for doing it.

(Be jealous.)

But half the joy of going to the city is just driving through and looking at all the people and buildings, and this is a blessing but mostly a curse, because ever since then I have been secretly dreaming of being a city girl and moving to the city and being around young people again and doing exciting things and getting out of suburbia and cookie cutter this and that and the usual chain restaurants and boringness. Ennui, ennui!!

So yesterday I went window shopping in Walnut Creek at Urban Outfitters and Free People - I wanted to go to those indie/hipster stores since they were a little out of the ordinary and the most eccentric you get without going through the tunnel to Berkeley. I discovered that Urban isn't really my thing (except they DID have these stars/galaxy shirts that I was secretly in love with), and Free People had the most gorgeous and well-made cream lace long skirt I have ever touched in my life (you had to touch it to get the full experience) and also it is a boutique, which I didn't know beforehand (and I feel all special now because I've learned a lot about boutiques from buying lolita) but in the end I only bought stuff from H&M because let's face it, I spend too much money mail-ordering from Japan to spend much on anything else. But Walnut Creek was very peaceful, and it was a beautiful day out and I even ran down the street for half a block because my parking meter had expired 2 minutes ago and I didn't even find a ticket on my dash! Priceless. This is how I adventure.