Happy New Year!

Tonight we bid farewell to 2011, a year that will always remain in my memory as the first year of my "real" adult life. 

I hope you all had a good holiday season thus far!

Here's me posing in an "alley" at the Dickens' Fair, a Victorian-style Christmas Festival in San Francisco. The atmosphere there was amazing, the decorations and building facades all made to look like Dickensian London, the people dressed up in period costumes... it was very very crowded though! (but that probably added to the historical accuracy, right?)

And I still haven't mastered the art of taking self-timer pictures, but....

I just wanted to wish you all a happy new year!

The Middle of Somewhere

Yesterday I walked to the laundry room in flip flops and a t-shirt before realizing it was nearing the end of November and it's really getting too cold for that now. November, almost over? What have I been doing all this time? Well, I can think of a few things I've done recently that I haven't blogged about yet:

1. Extreme makeover: With some outside encouragement, I realized that I have, in a manner of speaking, "let myself go" in terms of my wardrobe. So I'm getting a wardrobe makeover and receiving all sorts of neat additions to my wardrobe. I've been trying to take outift pictures but have yet to find the optimal place in my house to take them. They'll be coming though, don't worry!

2. New Hair: As a result of watching too many consecutive anime shows I decided I was tired of having black hair, and decided to color my hair for the first time in my life. Luckily, I managed to have enough common sense to not dye it the red color I was obsessing over, (specifically, Makise Kurisu's hair, from "Steins;Gate") and just got brown highlights instead. It's a nice change! Of course I worried about the effect this would have on my ability to cosplay as Mana, but we'll worry about that when convention time comes around again, right? XD;

My new hair! Apparently it looks a lot lighter in real life, according to my sister.

3. Adventure Thursdays: I've had Thursdays off this whole month, so I've been driving around with my friend and having all sorts of adventures! We went to a farmer's market I used to frequent as a little girl out past the vineyards and orchards, I got to try different kinds of Filipino food and found a place I can buy all my asian food without crossing the bridge, and I went on an Air Force Base for the first time! I love exploring, it just helps you love the place you live even more, don't you think?

So it's gonna be Thanksgiving in a few days, so Happy Thanksgiving guys! I'm excited for the long weekend, yay!

This is Halloween, Nah-nah-nah

(pic from this here tumblr)

Happy Halloween everybody!

Eat all the darn candy you want! I'll just be sitting here jealous with my left cheek puffed up smothering my face in frozen peas and popping pills since I just got my freaking wisdom teeth pulled, but you know what? That's ok. Cause I got the day off work today. And I get to hand out candy to freaking trick or treaters, assuming we get any, but we BETTER cause I actually bought the candy this time! And I'm excited. (I've never handed out candy to trick or treaters before, tee-hee). And they're all gonna be like, "Your face is kinda lopsided, lady" and "Who's this crazy lady giving us Almond Joys, who even likes Almond Joys?" But man, I'm excited. Excited! 

I'm gonna keep it low key this year, just wear a random combination of black clothes and throw on a witch hat and call it good. I'll post pics if I feel brave enough to show you all my lopsided face. ^_^

Hope you all have fun!

Nostalgic 90's

This may be a lesser known fact about me, but I love 90's music.

It's kinda funny because even though I was alive in the 90's, I wasn't old enough to appreciate the music or culture yet, so why, I often ask myself, do I like 90's music so much?

I guess I should clarfiy, when I say 90's music I'm referring to mostly Brit-pop/rock and Japanese rock:, bands like The Cure, The Cranberries, L'Arc en Ciel, Raphael, Penicillin... etc. As I was getting back into the jrock and visual kei scene a few years ago, I noticed that I didn't really like a lot of the newer bands like I did the 90's bands (with the HUGE exception of Versailles). Even though the 90's bands were plagued by pixelly and blurry video footage, poor audio quality recordings, and oftentimes looked like tacky drag queens with 80's style bangs, I just loved the melodic, reverby and dream-like sound of their music.

And the other day as I was the listening to the Cure, I realized that it's not just something specific to Jrock, but that all the 90's rock bands I like have a similar sound. And I can't help but wonder, do you think the 90's will ever be a "thing"? Like right now some 80's trends are coming back, but will we ever see the 90's come back? Or more specifically, the part of the 90's that I loved?

Just some musings on a Thursday morning.

h. Naoto Grand Opening

So I went to the h. Naoto store's grand opening event last weekend in San Francisco. They were having a free gallery exhibit showcasing costumes that h. Naoto had designed for famous Japanese musicians (including Gackt, Hakuei, and X Japan!). At first I wasn't sure if I should go, or how much I would enjoy it - it was just costumes, and not the actual musicians themselves, so would it really be that interesting? But then I made myself imagine, "Would I be excited to see one of Mana's costumes in real life, even if it was just the costume and not Mana himself?" And then I realized I'd be all over that, so that sealed the deal for me. XD;

And I'm so glad I went!

Naturally, you couldn't take pictures of anything inside, but they had these wreaths outside with notes from various celebrities, congratulating h. Naoto for opening his first store in America, which I eagerly took pictures of.

Among them were wreaths from Hyde (L'Arc en Ciel), Gackt, Yoshiki and Sugizo (X Japan), and Amy Lee (Evanescence).

The gallery was quite small, but it was not a disappointment. It was upstars from the boutique, and in a dimly lit room with a projector playing a video of models striking various poses and walking around. The costumes lined two of the walls.

(Hakuei from Penicillin, wearing h. Naoto)

They had a cape that Hakuei from Penicillin had worn for a photoshoot, it was modeled after Dracula and had nails nailed through the collar that were sticking out, and made me think of nails in a coffin. A girl that looked at it and walked by made the comment, "No hugs for him!"

They had 3 outfits that Gackt had worn: that funky white one from a photoshoot where he looks like he's wearing a schoolgirl skirt, a samurai-esque one, and the vampire-like trenchcoat he wore for the Diabolos tour. The schoolgirl outfit actually had pants under the skirt, we realized, but you couldn't tell from the photoshoot because he was kneeling down. Well, I'm glad we have that cleared up now, right?

The samurai one was very Gackt, it fit his personality and strong interest in samurai and was a samurai-punk style, but I wasn't particularly interested in it.

(Gackt, wearing h. Naoto for his Diabolos Tour)

But the Diabolos tour outfit... was... AMAZING. It was a fitted trenchcoat with a hood that was oddly wrinked/scrunched, and same with the collar. The description panel next to it (which were all written in something between English and Engrish, by the way) said the piece was trying to imitate the skin of a vampire, going for an ancient, weathered look. It was amaaaazing! And tiiiiny! I could have fit into it! I was surprised. But that was my favorite, by far.

Sugizo's outfit had these ruffles going down the front, and Yoshiki's shirt was a super tight and stretchy long sleeve white shirt that the description said was made specifically to not impede his piano playing. XD; Yoshiki's shirt was the tiniest of them all.

We looked at the clothes in the boutique for a little bit after the gallery, but I didn't get a chance to try anything on because we had to meet up with my sister's date. Probably a good thing, because I probably would have bought something that would have been bad because I would be poor and we all know I'm saving up my money for Moitie, right? ^_~

But it was so much fun! I probably helped cause I had my sister there because she has experience with clothing design and runway fashion and was able to give some good insights on the costume designs, and also I had fun trying on a skirt at Baby and talking to the salesclerk for ages XD; it was fun! I feel like sometimes I just need to go to these kinds of things, to connect my obsession with Japanese alternative culture with my own real life. With it all being so far away and my not having many friends that are into it as well, sometimes I just need to know it's real.

I remember back in the day buying the Gothic Lolita Bible magazines and flipping through them with my friends, and seeing the h. Naoto dresses, and now it's come full circle and they've opened a store here, and I went to the grand opening - it's exciting.

Well, that's my review!

Sorry if I've thrown out a lot of Gothic Lolita brandnames/terminology for ya! I love you all! <3

Art

I am obsessed with this dress.

It's from the music video for the song "Petal" by the Japanese band Art Cube. That's their singer Z who's wearing it.

This picture is a screencap I took from the video - it captures the essence of the word "art" to me.

It inspires me.

I spend a lot of my afternoons perusing Youtube for things to inspire me - inspire me to do what? I don't even know. I know, it's sad - as much as I'd like to think I'm not one of those people that lives to be entertained, I kind of am sometimes ^_^* I'm trying to get better, though, really!

Recently I've been thinking about how my favorite anime shows exhibit principles of the gospel.

I'll probably write another post on that later, though, for now it's goodnight!

Minor Details

When we left our home in Utah and consequently the world we knew during our years of college, we looked optimistically toward our futures: Matt was going to get a job teaching by the next

school year, and I was going to get a full-time job doing something cool wherever he ended up getting a job. That was the plan.

Surprisingly, everything has pretty much gone according to plan, but it was the minor details that we had not anticipated.

We didn't know how miserable we would be for the next 8 months, trying to find jobs, questioning the value of our degrees, and having nothing more than minimum wage positions.

We didn't know that the one job Matt did get I would not be excited about to the point that the main reason I agreed for him to take it and for us to move out there was because I didn't think we would have any other opportunities.

But we also didn't know how blessed we would be after that 8 month trial of our patience.

Matt's job is in Vallejo. I had lived near Vallejo when I was young, so I knew all too well the reputation it had - ghetto. I was not excited to move there. We agreed that even though he would work in Vallejo, we wouldn't want to live there. So, I decided on a whim to see how close Martinez was to Vallejo.

Martinez was a city I had seen from the train when I would take the train to Sacramento when Matt and I were dating. I had never seen that city or that part of the bay before, and I immediately fell in love with it. There was water everywhere, but it was peaceful and had a small town feel, and I decided that it would be neat to live there when I grew up.

Turns out, Martinez is quite close to Vallejo, but across a toll bridge, so I looked to see what town was on the other side of the bridge - Benicia. I had never been to Benicia before, nor did I know anything about it, except I remembered that when I was little my mom would always talk about the Benicia Bridge. I found out, however, that Benicia was actually a really safe town, even though it was right next to Vallejo, and also affordable since it was 2 toll bridges away from San Francisco. So I looked up a bunch of craigslist ads, and called Matt a bunch of times when he was out there looking, and bam, now we live here.

It's an awesome place, and seriously, everyone we've met here has been nice.

The people at church have been super supportive, they've helped us move, invited us over for dinner, and even helped get me a job 2 weeks after we moved there - I am now working as a receptionist at a dental office! Matt got his friend a job at the school he's teaching at, we live within an hour and a half of both our families, and 45 minutes away from San Francisco. Not to mention, the nice Bay Area weather helps us stay cool during the summer when we don't have A/C.

And THIS is something I remember seeing from the train - I called it a "rusty trailer on a stick" because I had no idea what it was (still don't, actually).

But it made me think, was the town I fell in love with really Martinez, or was it Benicia?

Life has been really good to us recently, and we are so blessed. Regardless of what ends up happening in the future, I've decided I'm going to make the most out of my experience here. I'm going to keep writing my story, keep developing who I am, take in the things that Benicia can teach me and make them a part of myself.

This is a view that captures what "home" is to me right now.

Here's to a new chapter in my story!

Can a metalhead have a successful career?

I remember in middle school and high school having writing assignments, poems, I think they were, that consisted of sentences of the following structure: "Just because I'm _____ doesn't mean _____." I never really took it that seriously at the time, but I found myself recently thinking something of the "I'm a _____, I can't _____" fashion: "I'm a metalhead, I can't possibly have a successful career."
Being a part of the scene, I know just as well as anyone that metalheads come in all shapes and sizes, with all sorts of different personalities, views, and interests. But for some reason when it came time for job interviews and people asking me what my interests and hobbies were, I hesitated to mention anything related to metal, even though some of my greatest and most ambitious accomplishments have been related to metal. I was scared that, after finding out that this quiet and sweet looking girl listened to metal they would freak out, thinking that there was a different me under the surface that I was hiding. And in addition, I am fully aware of the stereotype that metalheads either work at bars or record stores and aren't good for much else. So usually I end up just avoiding the subject altogether, and end up looking like a boring personalityless person. But that's not the impression I want to leave, so I can't help but wonder, is it possible for a metalhead to overcome those stereotypes and have a successful career?
After a long conversation with Matt he told me that it is our job to break that stereotype and that I shouldn't feel limited in what kind of job I can get just because I listen to a certain type of music. And he's right, you know? It's just a different style of music that isn't very popular, but in the end all it says about me is what my taste in music is, really. But I think it'll still be a while before I stop hesitating to bring up the subject of my liking metal around people I'm trying to impress..
Thoughts?

Happy Fourth

Hope you all had a great 4th of July!
I was quite groggy and cranky from the heat, but the food was great and we had a great view of the fireworks from Matt's parents house. I wore my mom's wrap skirt that I snagged from her closet the day before, and I felt very summery and stylish.
I realized while watching fireworks that there's nothing quite like Provo on the 4th, the parade, people camping out on the street, roaming around, playing music into all hours of the night, you know. Good times! I miss it, hopefully we can be back for that again, someday.
But now it's time to drag myself out of bed after the long weekend and get back to normal life (whatever that is) and try to be productive (or just play videogames) and try to identify where the hands of fate are trying to lead me right now.
Hope you are all handling the heat ok!

Post-graduate Predicament

I spent a lot of the day staring blankly at the bookcase while prodding my mouth with the cap of my pen. They made us take these career assessment tests in high school and in college but to this day, I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life. I do think it would be sweet to work part-time as a bank teller or give casual violin lessons to friends of friends, and I even considered the idea of being a street performer and playing Celtic fiddle tunes on the piers of San Francisco, but then I decided that I'm not good enough to be a street performer, you have to be good to be a street performer! (except that one time I did see a mom and her two kids playing cello by Union Square, I'm not sure if they were doing it for the money though or just cause it was Christmas)

So what has this degree gotten me? Life fulfillment, a better understanding of human nature, of faith, logic, the ability to "get" Lewis Carroll's humor, and to know that I am ignorant (not a good thing to put on your resume, btw). I've learned useful skills but other than that, I'm a tabula rasa, a blank slate when it comes to the real world.

And it takes a certain kind of person to want a blank slate, like the kind of people who buy blank inside greeting cards (like my mom and me, I guess).

So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm a tween! kind of, but on the other end of being a teenager. I can now look at high schoolers and think they look young, but when I face the tall imposing edifices of the real world, I'm still itty-bitty. And we all face this once we graduate from college, a kind of stupor. I'm seeing some friends really hit it good and land jobs immediately with recording studios or nursing homes or Microsoft, but some are contemplating study abroads or graduate school just to get away from the real world for a few more years, and some are like me, stuck in thought and writing blog posts about this - this, the post graduate predicament.

Do I regret getting my degree? No. But do I feel like I'm crazy sometimes, for "following my heart," so to speak? Yes. But good things come from doing crazy things, at least I've found this to be true. (Getting married at 19? Best decision of my life) Here's hoping I never lose my craziness.

Insomnia Blogging

Again, I find myself writing while waiting for sleep - or should I say resisting sleep? I'm like little kid, I never, never want to go to bed, Matt says I'll have it coming when we have kids and they start saying that to me and driving me nuts. Heh.
I feel really blessed right now. Still no luck on the job scene but I've been trying to be more positive, and I've been trying to be more social, and I've been just really happy recently.
True story: I use to collect quotes, and I used to tape little quotes that I liked to my bedroom wall when I was in high school, like quotes from Yoda (they were from the Star Wars novels too, not even the movies - I was that hardcore) and random philosophers and transcendentalists and such. I recently heard some quotes I liked, one was from Xenogears, and it was something to the effect of, "I still don't know what my path in life is, but I have a feeling that as I help you on your path I will get closer to finding my path as well." I liked it cause it definitely relates to my life, and probably many of you, my recent/soon to be college graduate friends. Sometimes the path God has for us isn't a fixed path, but something that we help carve out ourselves through the choices we make and the people we help on the way, and he gives us a blessing on the choices we've made. Sometimes it's the things we do on the way that in the end determines our destination. Am I making any sense?
Also, I've been reading the Old Testament and the Pearl of Great Price lately and I just want to say real quick, it is so awesome. I'm only like, 8 chapters into each at most, but I love it. The story of Cain and Abel and the story of Enoch, and Moses 7:26 where Enoch sees a vision of Satan holding a giant chain in front of the earth and laughing - those stories and images are so powerful, they give me chills! I haven't been very religious-minded for a while but now I think I'm getting back into it and it's feeling great.
And I have no idea how to tactfully segue from the topic of religion to anime conventions, but...
Have I mentioned how excited I am to work on my and Matt's cosplays for Kintoki Con? I am SO excited! I love costumes and dressing up and doing heavy makeup and thrift store shopping, so this is an all-around win for me!
Also, my sister is in Montana right now! MONTANA! Can you believe it? I barely can. So excited for her!
And, I really need to start writing more because I'm entering another poetry contest soon (I'm like addicted to entering poetry contests or something, it's not even funny) and I am so out of shape on writing right now.
Hope to blog again soon!

Hikikomori

A new word I learned: "hikikomori" - a reclusive person who has chosen to socially withdraw from the world, isolating themselves in their room/house.

Used in a sentence: "It may seem like Jin is a hikikomori because she rarely interacts with people outside her family, but she is really not."

I've been seeing that word a lot lately. I find it intriguing. Kind of silly to say about a word, huh? But it's true, I find it... interesting. The implications, and such.

So here's how I'll format this post. You know how in Japanese magazines, sometimes they have an interview with a celebrity and they'll include in a corner a tiny picture of: a) the book/manga they're currently reading, b) the anime they are currently watching, and c) the album they are currently listening to a lot? They'll usually just have the pictures and titles, they won't have these descriptions, but I thought I'd include descriptions since these aren't very well known titles. This is what would be on my interview page:

The Alphabet of Thorn by Patricia A. McKillip.

I've always liked Patricia McKillip books for their elegant and intricate imagery, so I decided to pick this book up at the library. I had never read this book before, and I wasn't expecting anything much different from her other work, just a good solid read, but I am absolutely in love with this book.

The love story is amazing (bittersweet, but amazing), and that is not something that fantasy books are known to be good at. It's epic and thought provoking, and I find the setting rather unique - the main character is a transcriber, and she's transcribing a story about 2 ancient rulers that nobody knows the end to, for some reason and... I can't really say any more without spoiling it. But it's really good!

Rozen Maiden

I saw a trailer for this show on one of our anime DVD's and I couldn't stop saying, "They're so cuuuute!!!" So I started watching this show, and they ARE so cute! It's about dolls who come to life with help of a medium, and they have to fight each other to win a game so they can meet their creator. When they lose a fight, they're supposed to take the loser's life essence so they are reduced to just a normal doll again, but the main doll is not following the rules of the game. I haven't finished the show yet, but it is so cute, and sometimes I am embarrassed to be watching it because it's so cute and silly, but I love it.

*Also, this is where I first heard the word "hikikomori," the main character in this show is a hikikomori.

Symphony X - Paradise Lost

We bought this album just 2 days before we saw Symphony X live in LA earlier this month. So naturally, after I see them in concert, I want to listen to Symphony X for the rest of the month. This album is based on Milton's Paradise Lost, and the music is progressive metal. I've been obsessed with the song "Paradise Lost" for while, firstly because they performed it so beautifully at the concert, and also because of the lyrics:

Looking down from ethereal skies,

Silent crystalline tears I cry

For all must say their last goodbye -

to paradise

So amidst endless resume revisions, job applications, and finding a turtle on our way to church on Sunday, that's what I've been doing. Wish me luck, it is NOT looking good out here in terms of jobs, but we'll see. May God's will be done, and place me where I need to be.

Ninja geese

This looks like the midwest, doesn't it?
Not that I would know...

But in preface to this last picture, I will write a haiku:

Sneaking behind geese
I took some pictures of them
Can you spot the goose?

(hint: he's under the bench!)

Deluge

The ground in waterlogged and duck ponds are springing up out of people's front lawns.
My sister-in-law and her family went home today,
so now I get to spend more time at my home - and I think it is proper for me to call it home now, because that's what it feels like it is, finally!

It's beautiful, yes?

On a side note, I have been translating French for Matt while he's playing Chrono Chross, cause Harle tends to throw out some French phrases when she talks and he doesn't know what they mean.
See what good my one semester of middle school French did me? Now I'm hungry to learn more...

Stormy weather

This is how spring is:

blossoms are up for one week, then they get blown away in the wind.
Luckily I got the chance to snap a few pictures before they went.

Or is it Thanksgiving time?
I swear, I'm getting my seasons all confused now!


But the boy turkeys do like showing off their feathers to the girl turkeys, so maybe it is spring after all!


I don't remember the last time a "storm" meant rain, but the lawn around this tree and picnic table got all flooded, and some ducks moved in. Fancy ducks, I might add!


Did I also mention that I heard my first ever gunshot a while ago? From my house?
But gunshots aren't scary when you live in the country. Although it does cause all the animals to be afraid of people, which prevents me from being able to get close-ups of turkeys.
Oh well, c'est la vie!

I know, I know...

I have an apathy for social photography right now. Which kind of makes social networking not as fulfilling right now... "How have you been?" "What have you been up to?" I don't know, not much, but here's some pictures of geese and wild turkeys and the pond as it changes faces during the seasons. Heh heh.
I also love visiting historical Sacramento for the copious amount of candy stores. I am now becoming familiar with which flavors of saltwater taffy are good or not (chocolate chip cookie is good, guava, bad).
Pre-occupied right now with playing with my twin nieces (!) and life is good at the moment.
What's your favorite saltwater taffy? :)

Inner Peace

So here's the deal: Internet companies don't go out to the country, so I use Internet on my phone. And although the iPhone had the biggest screen out of all the phones I could get, it is still extremely cumbersome to blog on. I am sorry dear friends, it appears I will be a delinquent blogger once more!
Moment of truth: I think this is quite possibly the most traumatic move I've ever made in my life. I've moved many times before, but mostly when I was either too young to remember, or just moving across the border of neighboring towns where I didn't have to change schools or anything. I miss Utah! It's crazy, but sometimes it feels like it was all a dream, all those joys and sorrows and adventures. So far away and so different from here.
My current occupation now is figuring out my health problems. It's really quite frustrating and depressing. But I do have a lot to be grateful for, because after all, I think there is a high chance that someday I can be completely healthy again whereas for lots of people they can't.
We were reading in Matthew the other night, about Jesus healing the sick, the blind, deaf, dumb, and lame and it really hit home to me. At this point, I've all but given up on doctors and medicine. Doctors can be really discouraging sometimes, and a lot of times I feel like they treat me like I'm crazy! But you know what? It's not time to give up on hope. In Christ, there is hope. With his help I will get to the bottom of this!
Another moment of truth: I'm really a sucker for inspirational quotes. Even if they look like they're the kind of stuff people put in chain emails and they're on websites that look like they've been designed by 60 year-old ladies, they really pick me up when I'm down. You can't help but wonder though, who writes these quotes? They sound like some sort of sage, or even better, Yoda. Do these people realize how awesome they are or do they still have insecurities, like the rest of us?
So, I guess this post is pretty random.
This post brought to you by jetlag.

Tough Girl

I am constantly reminded of Miyazaki movies when I'm cleaning the house,
because you know how they all have a girl in them,
who's normal at first, but later proves herself to be tough, and how usually there's a scene of her cleaning a house that is ridiculously and unnaturally filthy?
That girl is me!
I can't help but grimace in disgust whenever I look at the work I have to do,
but I've learned that sometimes it doesn't help to be a girly-girl about it and scream for your husband to kill a centipede, because then that just results in a dead gross centipede in front of the doorstep that I have to look at everytime I go inside, and I realize it would be much better for me to kill it myself and dispose of it in a way where I wouldn't have to see it.

Anyways, so this post is waaaay overdue,
the place is almost done now,
I mean we're already living in it but it's still not quite 100% done yet, you know?
It's been over a month that we've been living out of suitcases and not really situated,
which makes my head kind of disoriented and makes me really unproductive and want to do nothing but play videogames all day.
Oh, I love videogames....
Pics soon, I promise!