Inspiration

Happy Thanksgiving weekend! I hope you are enjoying the time off work/school if you have it. Unlike my teacher husband who has weeks off at a time, I rarely get more than 4 days off in a row in the course of a year, so this is a special occasion for me. Naturally, my body decides to get sick -_-* Oh well, but what do you do in the wintertime besides stay home and watch movies and animes anyways, right?

Right now we're watching "Chuunibyou Demo Koi ga Shitai!" (中二病でも恋がしたい!) which is a super cute show about kids who used to/still think they are really mages who know magic and stuff. I love it because it's cute and hilarious and also I can relate to it on many levels. 

But anyways...

All this time off has also been giving me time to think about what I'm doing with my life (or lack therof) and sending me into panic mode (and I know that's like, all I talk about nowadays, so I'll spare you the details), but then I found a song that seems to calm me down these days... 

It's been a long time since I've been blown away by music, but I can just listen to this song over and over again and remain in a stupor, just in awe of how beautiful and expressive Kaya's singing is. What's funny is I've always found Kaya's mannerisms creepy, so I never gave his music a chance, but now I am in love with his music, this song. It calms my nerves, and gives me strength to carry on despite all these uncertainties. Also I love how he walks the fine balance of trying to sound effeminate to match his image, but also taking advantage of his deep rich singing voice... truly spectacular. 

What color is your soul?

Grey, I thought, most unromantically this morning, my soul is a dove grey color today. Guys, I've been feeling not like myself of late - I have no intense cravings to buy something from cdjapan, my music doesn't consume me like it normally does, I'm not looking up plane tickets and making lists of places I want to see in Japan, I feel fine just dressing normal and I'm not itching to try different gothic or visual kei makeup styles - leading me to ask myself, who am I even, today?
Dove grey. Don't get me wrong, this isn't like, a symbol of gloom and depression, I love doves. The coo of a mourning dove still recalls to my mind my childhood in Redwood Shores, waking up to lazy sunlit weekends and doves outside my window. Grey is just, grey. The comfort of a cashmere sweater. Soft down. Nothing flashy, nothing shiny, just, grey.
Who am I and what are my aspirations? Still a question that keeps haunting me when my time stands still outside the bounds of my obligations.
I went to the city a few days ago for the Epica concert, met up with some friends for dinner in a more touristy part of town that I normally don't stray into. I watched as stylishly dressed young girls my age walked into the street in their heels to wave down a taxi. 8 o'clock at night, and hordes of people still roamed the streets, whether they be on their way home from work or on their way out with their friends, I knew not. What are you doing here and what kind of jobs do you have, I mused. What kind of strange lifestyle is this, and would I enjoy it, I wondered.
The world is still at my fingertips, and there are many decisions to be made. Meanwhile, my dove grey soul is ready for some hot chocolate.

These are a few of my favourite things.

Misty mornings. Sleeping in and waking up to soft sunlight falling on my blankets. Macarons. A place where I can be alone with lots of trees. Duck ponds. Headbanging. Driving over bridges at night. A good book. Feeling a fast double kick drum in your chest at concerts. Getting a package from Japan. Unagi. When Mana updates his blog. When someone writes me back the same day. Recognizing a tune in Celtic folk music. Hot chocolate. Corpse paint. Petticoats. Blastbeats. Things that look like something you can eat. The smell of jasmine blossoms. Star Wars. Finding the north star. Staying up late with people you love and getting really ridiculous. The Hobbit. Finding something online that expresses all my feels. Staring at the flame of a candle.