Minor Details

When we left our home in Utah and consequently the world we knew during our years of college, we looked optimistically toward our futures: Matt was going to get a job teaching by the next

school year, and I was going to get a full-time job doing something cool wherever he ended up getting a job. That was the plan.

Surprisingly, everything has pretty much gone according to plan, but it was the minor details that we had not anticipated.

We didn't know how miserable we would be for the next 8 months, trying to find jobs, questioning the value of our degrees, and having nothing more than minimum wage positions.

We didn't know that the one job Matt did get I would not be excited about to the point that the main reason I agreed for him to take it and for us to move out there was because I didn't think we would have any other opportunities.

But we also didn't know how blessed we would be after that 8 month trial of our patience.

Matt's job is in Vallejo. I had lived near Vallejo when I was young, so I knew all too well the reputation it had - ghetto. I was not excited to move there. We agreed that even though he would work in Vallejo, we wouldn't want to live there. So, I decided on a whim to see how close Martinez was to Vallejo.

Martinez was a city I had seen from the train when I would take the train to Sacramento when Matt and I were dating. I had never seen that city or that part of the bay before, and I immediately fell in love with it. There was water everywhere, but it was peaceful and had a small town feel, and I decided that it would be neat to live there when I grew up.

Turns out, Martinez is quite close to Vallejo, but across a toll bridge, so I looked to see what town was on the other side of the bridge - Benicia. I had never been to Benicia before, nor did I know anything about it, except I remembered that when I was little my mom would always talk about the Benicia Bridge. I found out, however, that Benicia was actually a really safe town, even though it was right next to Vallejo, and also affordable since it was 2 toll bridges away from San Francisco. So I looked up a bunch of craigslist ads, and called Matt a bunch of times when he was out there looking, and bam, now we live here.

It's an awesome place, and seriously, everyone we've met here has been nice.

The people at church have been super supportive, they've helped us move, invited us over for dinner, and even helped get me a job 2 weeks after we moved there - I am now working as a receptionist at a dental office! Matt got his friend a job at the school he's teaching at, we live within an hour and a half of both our families, and 45 minutes away from San Francisco. Not to mention, the nice Bay Area weather helps us stay cool during the summer when we don't have A/C.

And THIS is something I remember seeing from the train - I called it a "rusty trailer on a stick" because I had no idea what it was (still don't, actually).

But it made me think, was the town I fell in love with really Martinez, or was it Benicia?

Life has been really good to us recently, and we are so blessed. Regardless of what ends up happening in the future, I've decided I'm going to make the most out of my experience here. I'm going to keep writing my story, keep developing who I am, take in the things that Benicia can teach me and make them a part of myself.

This is a view that captures what "home" is to me right now.

Here's to a new chapter in my story!

Can a metalhead have a successful career?

I remember in middle school and high school having writing assignments, poems, I think they were, that consisted of sentences of the following structure: "Just because I'm _____ doesn't mean _____." I never really took it that seriously at the time, but I found myself recently thinking something of the "I'm a _____, I can't _____" fashion: "I'm a metalhead, I can't possibly have a successful career."
Being a part of the scene, I know just as well as anyone that metalheads come in all shapes and sizes, with all sorts of different personalities, views, and interests. But for some reason when it came time for job interviews and people asking me what my interests and hobbies were, I hesitated to mention anything related to metal, even though some of my greatest and most ambitious accomplishments have been related to metal. I was scared that, after finding out that this quiet and sweet looking girl listened to metal they would freak out, thinking that there was a different me under the surface that I was hiding. And in addition, I am fully aware of the stereotype that metalheads either work at bars or record stores and aren't good for much else. So usually I end up just avoiding the subject altogether, and end up looking like a boring personalityless person. But that's not the impression I want to leave, so I can't help but wonder, is it possible for a metalhead to overcome those stereotypes and have a successful career?
After a long conversation with Matt he told me that it is our job to break that stereotype and that I shouldn't feel limited in what kind of job I can get just because I listen to a certain type of music. And he's right, you know? It's just a different style of music that isn't very popular, but in the end all it says about me is what my taste in music is, really. But I think it'll still be a while before I stop hesitating to bring up the subject of my liking metal around people I'm trying to impress..
Thoughts?

Happy Fourth

Hope you all had a great 4th of July!
I was quite groggy and cranky from the heat, but the food was great and we had a great view of the fireworks from Matt's parents house. I wore my mom's wrap skirt that I snagged from her closet the day before, and I felt very summery and stylish.
I realized while watching fireworks that there's nothing quite like Provo on the 4th, the parade, people camping out on the street, roaming around, playing music into all hours of the night, you know. Good times! I miss it, hopefully we can be back for that again, someday.
But now it's time to drag myself out of bed after the long weekend and get back to normal life (whatever that is) and try to be productive (or just play videogames) and try to identify where the hands of fate are trying to lead me right now.
Hope you are all handling the heat ok!

Post-graduate Predicament

I spent a lot of the day staring blankly at the bookcase while prodding my mouth with the cap of my pen. They made us take these career assessment tests in high school and in college but to this day, I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life. I do think it would be sweet to work part-time as a bank teller or give casual violin lessons to friends of friends, and I even considered the idea of being a street performer and playing Celtic fiddle tunes on the piers of San Francisco, but then I decided that I'm not good enough to be a street performer, you have to be good to be a street performer! (except that one time I did see a mom and her two kids playing cello by Union Square, I'm not sure if they were doing it for the money though or just cause it was Christmas)

So what has this degree gotten me? Life fulfillment, a better understanding of human nature, of faith, logic, the ability to "get" Lewis Carroll's humor, and to know that I am ignorant (not a good thing to put on your resume, btw). I've learned useful skills but other than that, I'm a tabula rasa, a blank slate when it comes to the real world.

And it takes a certain kind of person to want a blank slate, like the kind of people who buy blank inside greeting cards (like my mom and me, I guess).

So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm a tween! kind of, but on the other end of being a teenager. I can now look at high schoolers and think they look young, but when I face the tall imposing edifices of the real world, I'm still itty-bitty. And we all face this once we graduate from college, a kind of stupor. I'm seeing some friends really hit it good and land jobs immediately with recording studios or nursing homes or Microsoft, but some are contemplating study abroads or graduate school just to get away from the real world for a few more years, and some are like me, stuck in thought and writing blog posts about this - this, the post graduate predicament.

Do I regret getting my degree? No. But do I feel like I'm crazy sometimes, for "following my heart," so to speak? Yes. But good things come from doing crazy things, at least I've found this to be true. (Getting married at 19? Best decision of my life) Here's hoping I never lose my craziness.

Insomnia Blogging

Again, I find myself writing while waiting for sleep - or should I say resisting sleep? I'm like little kid, I never, never want to go to bed, Matt says I'll have it coming when we have kids and they start saying that to me and driving me nuts. Heh.
I feel really blessed right now. Still no luck on the job scene but I've been trying to be more positive, and I've been trying to be more social, and I've been just really happy recently.
True story: I use to collect quotes, and I used to tape little quotes that I liked to my bedroom wall when I was in high school, like quotes from Yoda (they were from the Star Wars novels too, not even the movies - I was that hardcore) and random philosophers and transcendentalists and such. I recently heard some quotes I liked, one was from Xenogears, and it was something to the effect of, "I still don't know what my path in life is, but I have a feeling that as I help you on your path I will get closer to finding my path as well." I liked it cause it definitely relates to my life, and probably many of you, my recent/soon to be college graduate friends. Sometimes the path God has for us isn't a fixed path, but something that we help carve out ourselves through the choices we make and the people we help on the way, and he gives us a blessing on the choices we've made. Sometimes it's the things we do on the way that in the end determines our destination. Am I making any sense?
Also, I've been reading the Old Testament and the Pearl of Great Price lately and I just want to say real quick, it is so awesome. I'm only like, 8 chapters into each at most, but I love it. The story of Cain and Abel and the story of Enoch, and Moses 7:26 where Enoch sees a vision of Satan holding a giant chain in front of the earth and laughing - those stories and images are so powerful, they give me chills! I haven't been very religious-minded for a while but now I think I'm getting back into it and it's feeling great.
And I have no idea how to tactfully segue from the topic of religion to anime conventions, but...
Have I mentioned how excited I am to work on my and Matt's cosplays for Kintoki Con? I am SO excited! I love costumes and dressing up and doing heavy makeup and thrift store shopping, so this is an all-around win for me!
Also, my sister is in Montana right now! MONTANA! Can you believe it? I barely can. So excited for her!
And, I really need to start writing more because I'm entering another poetry contest soon (I'm like addicted to entering poetry contests or something, it's not even funny) and I am so out of shape on writing right now.
Hope to blog again soon!

Hikikomori

A new word I learned: "hikikomori" - a reclusive person who has chosen to socially withdraw from the world, isolating themselves in their room/house.

Used in a sentence: "It may seem like Jin is a hikikomori because she rarely interacts with people outside her family, but she is really not."

I've been seeing that word a lot lately. I find it intriguing. Kind of silly to say about a word, huh? But it's true, I find it... interesting. The implications, and such.

So here's how I'll format this post. You know how in Japanese magazines, sometimes they have an interview with a celebrity and they'll include in a corner a tiny picture of: a) the book/manga they're currently reading, b) the anime they are currently watching, and c) the album they are currently listening to a lot? They'll usually just have the pictures and titles, they won't have these descriptions, but I thought I'd include descriptions since these aren't very well known titles. This is what would be on my interview page:

The Alphabet of Thorn by Patricia A. McKillip.

I've always liked Patricia McKillip books for their elegant and intricate imagery, so I decided to pick this book up at the library. I had never read this book before, and I wasn't expecting anything much different from her other work, just a good solid read, but I am absolutely in love with this book.

The love story is amazing (bittersweet, but amazing), and that is not something that fantasy books are known to be good at. It's epic and thought provoking, and I find the setting rather unique - the main character is a transcriber, and she's transcribing a story about 2 ancient rulers that nobody knows the end to, for some reason and... I can't really say any more without spoiling it. But it's really good!

Rozen Maiden

I saw a trailer for this show on one of our anime DVD's and I couldn't stop saying, "They're so cuuuute!!!" So I started watching this show, and they ARE so cute! It's about dolls who come to life with help of a medium, and they have to fight each other to win a game so they can meet their creator. When they lose a fight, they're supposed to take the loser's life essence so they are reduced to just a normal doll again, but the main doll is not following the rules of the game. I haven't finished the show yet, but it is so cute, and sometimes I am embarrassed to be watching it because it's so cute and silly, but I love it.

*Also, this is where I first heard the word "hikikomori," the main character in this show is a hikikomori.

Symphony X - Paradise Lost

We bought this album just 2 days before we saw Symphony X live in LA earlier this month. So naturally, after I see them in concert, I want to listen to Symphony X for the rest of the month. This album is based on Milton's Paradise Lost, and the music is progressive metal. I've been obsessed with the song "Paradise Lost" for while, firstly because they performed it so beautifully at the concert, and also because of the lyrics:

Looking down from ethereal skies,

Silent crystalline tears I cry

For all must say their last goodbye -

to paradise

So amidst endless resume revisions, job applications, and finding a turtle on our way to church on Sunday, that's what I've been doing. Wish me luck, it is NOT looking good out here in terms of jobs, but we'll see. May God's will be done, and place me where I need to be.

Ninja geese

This looks like the midwest, doesn't it?
Not that I would know...

But in preface to this last picture, I will write a haiku:

Sneaking behind geese
I took some pictures of them
Can you spot the goose?

(hint: he's under the bench!)