Post-graduate Predicament

I spent a lot of the day staring blankly at the bookcase while prodding my mouth with the cap of my pen. They made us take these career assessment tests in high school and in college but to this day, I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life. I do think it would be sweet to work part-time as a bank teller or give casual violin lessons to friends of friends, and I even considered the idea of being a street performer and playing Celtic fiddle tunes on the piers of San Francisco, but then I decided that I'm not good enough to be a street performer, you have to be good to be a street performer! (except that one time I did see a mom and her two kids playing cello by Union Square, I'm not sure if they were doing it for the money though or just cause it was Christmas)

So what has this degree gotten me? Life fulfillment, a better understanding of human nature, of faith, logic, the ability to "get" Lewis Carroll's humor, and to know that I am ignorant (not a good thing to put on your resume, btw). I've learned useful skills but other than that, I'm a tabula rasa, a blank slate when it comes to the real world.

And it takes a certain kind of person to want a blank slate, like the kind of people who buy blank inside greeting cards (like my mom and me, I guess).

So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm a tween! kind of, but on the other end of being a teenager. I can now look at high schoolers and think they look young, but when I face the tall imposing edifices of the real world, I'm still itty-bitty. And we all face this once we graduate from college, a kind of stupor. I'm seeing some friends really hit it good and land jobs immediately with recording studios or nursing homes or Microsoft, but some are contemplating study abroads or graduate school just to get away from the real world for a few more years, and some are like me, stuck in thought and writing blog posts about this - this, the post graduate predicament.

Do I regret getting my degree? No. But do I feel like I'm crazy sometimes, for "following my heart," so to speak? Yes. But good things come from doing crazy things, at least I've found this to be true. (Getting married at 19? Best decision of my life) Here's hoping I never lose my craziness.

Insomnia Blogging

Again, I find myself writing while waiting for sleep - or should I say resisting sleep? I'm like little kid, I never, never want to go to bed, Matt says I'll have it coming when we have kids and they start saying that to me and driving me nuts. Heh.
I feel really blessed right now. Still no luck on the job scene but I've been trying to be more positive, and I've been trying to be more social, and I've been just really happy recently.
True story: I use to collect quotes, and I used to tape little quotes that I liked to my bedroom wall when I was in high school, like quotes from Yoda (they were from the Star Wars novels too, not even the movies - I was that hardcore) and random philosophers and transcendentalists and such. I recently heard some quotes I liked, one was from Xenogears, and it was something to the effect of, "I still don't know what my path in life is, but I have a feeling that as I help you on your path I will get closer to finding my path as well." I liked it cause it definitely relates to my life, and probably many of you, my recent/soon to be college graduate friends. Sometimes the path God has for us isn't a fixed path, but something that we help carve out ourselves through the choices we make and the people we help on the way, and he gives us a blessing on the choices we've made. Sometimes it's the things we do on the way that in the end determines our destination. Am I making any sense?
Also, I've been reading the Old Testament and the Pearl of Great Price lately and I just want to say real quick, it is so awesome. I'm only like, 8 chapters into each at most, but I love it. The story of Cain and Abel and the story of Enoch, and Moses 7:26 where Enoch sees a vision of Satan holding a giant chain in front of the earth and laughing - those stories and images are so powerful, they give me chills! I haven't been very religious-minded for a while but now I think I'm getting back into it and it's feeling great.
And I have no idea how to tactfully segue from the topic of religion to anime conventions, but...
Have I mentioned how excited I am to work on my and Matt's cosplays for Kintoki Con? I am SO excited! I love costumes and dressing up and doing heavy makeup and thrift store shopping, so this is an all-around win for me!
Also, my sister is in Montana right now! MONTANA! Can you believe it? I barely can. So excited for her!
And, I really need to start writing more because I'm entering another poetry contest soon (I'm like addicted to entering poetry contests or something, it's not even funny) and I am so out of shape on writing right now.
Hope to blog again soon!

Hikikomori

A new word I learned: "hikikomori" - a reclusive person who has chosen to socially withdraw from the world, isolating themselves in their room/house.

Used in a sentence: "It may seem like Jin is a hikikomori because she rarely interacts with people outside her family, but she is really not."

I've been seeing that word a lot lately. I find it intriguing. Kind of silly to say about a word, huh? But it's true, I find it... interesting. The implications, and such.

So here's how I'll format this post. You know how in Japanese magazines, sometimes they have an interview with a celebrity and they'll include in a corner a tiny picture of: a) the book/manga they're currently reading, b) the anime they are currently watching, and c) the album they are currently listening to a lot? They'll usually just have the pictures and titles, they won't have these descriptions, but I thought I'd include descriptions since these aren't very well known titles. This is what would be on my interview page:

The Alphabet of Thorn by Patricia A. McKillip.

I've always liked Patricia McKillip books for their elegant and intricate imagery, so I decided to pick this book up at the library. I had never read this book before, and I wasn't expecting anything much different from her other work, just a good solid read, but I am absolutely in love with this book.

The love story is amazing (bittersweet, but amazing), and that is not something that fantasy books are known to be good at. It's epic and thought provoking, and I find the setting rather unique - the main character is a transcriber, and she's transcribing a story about 2 ancient rulers that nobody knows the end to, for some reason and... I can't really say any more without spoiling it. But it's really good!

Rozen Maiden

I saw a trailer for this show on one of our anime DVD's and I couldn't stop saying, "They're so cuuuute!!!" So I started watching this show, and they ARE so cute! It's about dolls who come to life with help of a medium, and they have to fight each other to win a game so they can meet their creator. When they lose a fight, they're supposed to take the loser's life essence so they are reduced to just a normal doll again, but the main doll is not following the rules of the game. I haven't finished the show yet, but it is so cute, and sometimes I am embarrassed to be watching it because it's so cute and silly, but I love it.

*Also, this is where I first heard the word "hikikomori," the main character in this show is a hikikomori.

Symphony X - Paradise Lost

We bought this album just 2 days before we saw Symphony X live in LA earlier this month. So naturally, after I see them in concert, I want to listen to Symphony X for the rest of the month. This album is based on Milton's Paradise Lost, and the music is progressive metal. I've been obsessed with the song "Paradise Lost" for while, firstly because they performed it so beautifully at the concert, and also because of the lyrics:

Looking down from ethereal skies,

Silent crystalline tears I cry

For all must say their last goodbye -

to paradise

So amidst endless resume revisions, job applications, and finding a turtle on our way to church on Sunday, that's what I've been doing. Wish me luck, it is NOT looking good out here in terms of jobs, but we'll see. May God's will be done, and place me where I need to be.

Ninja geese

This looks like the midwest, doesn't it?
Not that I would know...

But in preface to this last picture, I will write a haiku:

Sneaking behind geese
I took some pictures of them
Can you spot the goose?

(hint: he's under the bench!)

Deluge

The ground in waterlogged and duck ponds are springing up out of people's front lawns.
My sister-in-law and her family went home today,
so now I get to spend more time at my home - and I think it is proper for me to call it home now, because that's what it feels like it is, finally!

It's beautiful, yes?

On a side note, I have been translating French for Matt while he's playing Chrono Chross, cause Harle tends to throw out some French phrases when she talks and he doesn't know what they mean.
See what good my one semester of middle school French did me? Now I'm hungry to learn more...

Stormy weather

This is how spring is:

blossoms are up for one week, then they get blown away in the wind.
Luckily I got the chance to snap a few pictures before they went.

Or is it Thanksgiving time?
I swear, I'm getting my seasons all confused now!


But the boy turkeys do like showing off their feathers to the girl turkeys, so maybe it is spring after all!


I don't remember the last time a "storm" meant rain, but the lawn around this tree and picnic table got all flooded, and some ducks moved in. Fancy ducks, I might add!


Did I also mention that I heard my first ever gunshot a while ago? From my house?
But gunshots aren't scary when you live in the country. Although it does cause all the animals to be afraid of people, which prevents me from being able to get close-ups of turkeys.
Oh well, c'est la vie!

I know, I know...

I have an apathy for social photography right now. Which kind of makes social networking not as fulfilling right now... "How have you been?" "What have you been up to?" I don't know, not much, but here's some pictures of geese and wild turkeys and the pond as it changes faces during the seasons. Heh heh.
I also love visiting historical Sacramento for the copious amount of candy stores. I am now becoming familiar with which flavors of saltwater taffy are good or not (chocolate chip cookie is good, guava, bad).
Pre-occupied right now with playing with my twin nieces (!) and life is good at the moment.
What's your favorite saltwater taffy? :)