The Good Life

It's one of those days when I am feeling really unrealistically nostalgic for Utah and consequently eat lots of jello. Sometimes I miss the Utah-me, I miss my old bravery and creativity and ability to find meaning and wonder in everything. Now I live a life of a hermit, constantly struggle with nihilistic thoughts, and am just about ready to sell my soul for money. Was it the place and time or just my frame of mind that's changed?

I literally almost cried over my degree the other day - I've been angry at myself for making such a poor life decision, leaving me with all of my nonexistent career opportunities. But today I realized, what if that's it? What if that intellectual stimulation is what's missing right now? I do firmly believe that studying philosophy helps enrich your life. Why have I quit? I'm masking my emptiness by living for the next concert, the next convention. Maybe it's time to get over myself and pursue the good life again.
I'm at a weird turning point in my life right now where I'm approaching my past through the lens of an adult and trying to mend past relationships and struggling to overcome anxiety over past fears that are no longer anything to worry about. Sometimes I'd rather be 700 miles away back in Utah running away from my problems than so close to home... but so be it, this is where the Lord has led me.